Pregnancy loss, do we talk about it enough? Do we talk about it too much? It’s an incredibly personal and deeply painful experience for anyone who has gone through it. It’s personal in the same sense that all grief is; there is no pamphlet on how to grieve nor is there a right or wrong way to do it. Grief is custom built and will never look the same from one person to the next. Losing a child can feel like next level grief, if you will, and that type of pain can feel like the cruelest kind.

So why don’t we talk about it more? Is it harmful to talk about, if so, why?

We’ve recently heard from Meghan Markle in the media as she recounted her pregnancy loss with Prince Harry this past July. She has publicly shared her pain and also her desire to break the stigma when it comes to speaking about miscarriage.

Pregnancy loss affects one in four people, and yet it can feel like there isn’t enough conversation about it. Why is this? Is it harmful?

Everything exists on a spectrum, including grief, and will never be a ‘one size fits all’ concept, no matter how bad people may want it to. The media has a great deal of pull when it comes to what we hear and absorb. Celebrities speaking out on pregnancy loss or loss in general, can normalize the grief process for many going through the same experience. But to many, it can feel harmful. When we turn on the television or the radio, expecting to watch or hear something pleasant, we can be blindsided by a trigger, never understanding the impact it may have.

If you’ve gone through a recent loss and are nearing a “good place” in your grieving process, what if you open up your Instagram and read that Christina Perri lost her unborn daughter to pregnancy complications? Might this set you back or does this allow you to feel understood? The answer is, both and also, neither.

There is no way of knowing how your grief will present itself in your life from day to day and there is no wrong way to feel about it. The fact of the matter is, people talk about their grief when they are ready and when it comes to celebrities, once they are ready to talk about it, that means everyone will hear about it, including you.

When we hear about another woman’s experience with miscarriage, how we feel about it is just as personal as our process, and that’s ok. The feelings we experience in that moment are temporary and with acknowledgment and honor, will also pass in time. It may show up many times in a day or hardly at all but the most important thing to do is acknowledge it.

Whether we feel understood by Chrissy Tiegen’s public post about the loss of her son, Jack or whether we feel triggered by Meghan Markle’s statement on her loss, however you feel is ok and it is normal. No one gets to tell us how to feel in the deep, personal moments of our grief.

Grief comes in waves, and whether it’s triggered by a social media post or a news article, it’s an opportunity to acknowledge ourselves and love ourselves all over again. Waves can remind us that we are fragile and need to be gentle with our hearts.

We don’t have to be at the mercy of our grief, however. While we don’t want to avoid grief, we can create boundaries when we are at our most fragile states. Some great ways to do this include, staying off social media for the time being, staying away from news sources or websites that could potentially trigger you. Another way to create a healthy boundary is to make a happy playlist to listen to rather than risk hearing a trigger on the radio or a sad song.

Grief is personal, grief is a spectrum, grief comes in waves, but grief is necessary.When we move through our grief, we acknowledge the loss, we acknowledge our feelings, we honor ourselves and we give permission to heal.

You are worthy of healing.